AU - For Elissa

[thewordofweb]

There are very few things that I like about being a woman. My back aches, Joe calls me all manner of nicknames, and I feel awkward when I catch Skinny and Grant eyeing my rack. Still, the one thing I do like is the leverage I know have over the boys, and specifically, over my one. I'm lucky enough to know a very fine woman and after a year's time, we've traded back and forth on favors that I've lost count of where we stand.

Still, she's the expert. Joe's continued attendance at the Catscratch proves it. I hurry and hustle, ceasing my jog when it starts to hurt and slow down to approach Helen at the club. "Helen?" I greet with a demure smile. "Hi. Got an hour?"

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[devilwoman]

She'd just unlocked the door when a familiar female voice called her, and Saffron turned with a smile. Selfishly, she gave silent thanks that at least she hadn't been affected this time around. "Sure, honey. I was just going to do a little bookkeeping, but it can wait. What can I do for you?"

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I slow to a stop with a heavy breath out, wrapping my arms around my torso to stop any insecurities about my figure (and the weight I've gained thanks to those damned cookies of Joe's). "Give me a couple tips so I can surprise Joe?" I ask hesitantly and hopefully.

[devilwoman]

Unlike Webster, Saffron didn't hesitate. "Of course," she replied. "What were you looking to surprise him with?"

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Well, currently," I begin, voice in a musical sing-song of slight irritation. "My clothes are picked by him, my underwear are picked by him, he suggests the sex positions, he picks it all. I want to do something, wear something, say something that he didn't plan," I finish.

[devilwoman]

"Well, I can definitely help you with that. Come on in," Saffron said, and held the door open, letting Webster go in first before she followed. "The wear part we'll get to last. We can visit the clothes box, and if it doesn't want to cooperate we'll see if I have something that would work for you. Right now, let's work on the do and say parts of the equation."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

This is still vaguely awkward, but I'm not about to say as much. It's an opportunity to give Joe the things he normally misses out on and that's what I have to think of it as. I wander inside and offer Helen a weary smile. "Thank you," I praise. "I mean, this isn't exactly an every-day occurrence. Advice is definitely good so I make a mess of the whole thing, which would just be like me," I mutter in German after.

[devilwoman]

"Well, let's see," Saffron said thoughtfully, sitting at a table and gesturing for Webster to do the same. "Obviously I'm not terrible familiar with your and Joe's sex life, so I'm not sure what you've tried and what you haven't. What about dirty talk?"

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"It happens occasionally," I agree, because for the most part I'm not embarrassed about our sex life at all. "We've covered most areas," I say, because if I don't say it, Joe will. "Rimming, blindfolding, most positions, bondage, mild roleplay..." I drift off, shrugging. "Some toys, some regular." I sit down across from her, shoulders hunched while I try to hide the new acquisitions.

[devilwoman]

Saffron listened carefully, ideas running through her head as Webster talked, and was silent a moment. "And he's usually the dominant one in the situation?"

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Generally, unless there's someone around that's got me possessive." It feels strange to be talking about all of this so freely. It just seemed like the easiest thing to do. My cheeks are pink and I clear my throat. "I uh, this is strange, isn't it?"

[devilwoman]

"Not that strange," Saffron replied, smiling. "It's not the first time you've come to me for advice, after all." She wondered, idly, if she herself had ever caused Webster to feel possessive. She knew he was aware he didn't have to worry about her threatening their relationship.

"I wonder if you could get your hands on a strap-on somehow," she mused aloud. "Maybe the clothes box would give one out if you caught it at the right time."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I'm trying desperately not to choke or go red or do anything that shows my absolute discomfort in this situation. "And we're expecting Joe Liebgott to be okay with this?" I point out the little possible fallacy in the plan.

[devilwoman]

Saffron shrugged as she got up to pour them both a drink. "You never know until you try, right?" she pointed out. "Besides, that's only one suggestion. There's a whole world of possibility out there."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Okay, so there's strap-on," I echo, idly toying anxiously with my hair and trying to make it so that I don't look too outwardly nervous (which I'm sure is a lost cause). "What would you do if you were in my shoes?"

[devilwoman]

That was an easy question to answer, even if Saffron was pretty sure she'd never been in Webster's position. "I would try to do something unpredictable," she replied. "Something he wouldn't expect from me, maybe something I know would turn him on that he wouldn't think I'd go for."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"He laughs if I ever attempt to talk dirty," I say, because that's absolutely hopeless as far as seduction attempts go. "I always thought that'd be the easiest way. And he doesn't like it in German either."