[For Sirius]

[thewordofweb]

In the grand tradition of love-lost, I've found myself a drink, a dark and dank area, and a good block of hours in which to spend my time devoting a love letter to a strong drink that's never going to love me so much as I'm going to use it and then throw it away in minutes, like a wad of tissue that's served its purpose. The scotch is strong at the jazz club and the music is incessantly annoying, giving me a headache, but it's better than drinking alone and it's better than drinking with someone who knows me.

God forbid we have to talk, then. So instead, there is this. And maybe I let my eye wander here and there, where it will. Maybe I just can't help myself and maybe I'm looking to punish myself, as though Joe's vanishing is all my fault. What does it matter, really? All I know is that I have a good strong drink and the weather outside is frightful, so there's no going out to sea.

There's just being here.

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[blackedout]

More and more, Sirius finds himself favoring the Catscratch. Helen reminds him of Lily, which in turn reminds him of James, but for the most part, he's afforded a reasonable degree of escape, and every once in awhile, he's afforded an opportunity, too.

Take, for instance, the young man at the other end of the bar. He's the sort of attractive that ought not be allowed in a man: doleful blue eyes and pretty lips of a shape that could make even a monk's mind turn to the wicked. It's the hair that really snags Sirius, though, all dark and tousled in that vaguely familiar way that always seems to reel him in like he's on a bloody leash.

He moves down the bar, slides onto the stool beside the bloke and levels him with a steady gaze. "You look like you could use another drink, mate."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I glance up when someone's clearly speaking to me, not exactly sure I ever anticipated someone so beautiful to be the one who's trying to get my attention. It's not that I don't feel worthy, it's just that it's never happened before. The war isn't exactly the best place to pick up.

"Me? I could use a bar's worth of drinks," I agree, turning to study him. "Would you stay and drink with me if I got another?"

[blackedout]

"I think that could absolutely be arranged," Sirius confirms from over the top of his own drink. It's never been especially difficult for him to pull, but this has got to be some kind of record.

"Shall I guess?" He stares intently at the other man a long moment and then leans back, motioning with his glass. "The island's had a hand in why you're looking like that. I'd stake my life on it." Whatever little that's worth, these days.

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I exhale deeply and hold the glass in my hand, staring at the contents like they're going to unveil the deep mysteries of life if I look closely enough. "My boyfriend," I say and sum it up with a depressed shrug. "Took him away, left me alone here."

[blackedout]

"And now you're drowning your sorrows in alcohol and the company of attractive strangers," Sirius surmises, and take a slow sip from his glass. "I couldn't have done it better myself, I think."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Now I'm trying to make something of the mockery that my life's become," I note with some discontent as I peer at the man and let my gaze linger on his lips and eyes and try not to think about how I was good as committed for life not too long ago. "Who are you, anyway?"

[blackedout]

"Exactly what you're looking for," Sirius drawls with a slow-curving smile, and it's definitely a line, definitely something that might sound trite coming from someone, but seriously: what's the point in names, anyway?

"Drinking's not bad for forgetting, but a good fuck's even better," he casually adds, and knocks back what's left in his glass.

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I choke and cough when I inhale some of the contents of my glass, not having expected the latter part of his sentence. I glance over at him, licking my lips and looking him over slowly. "You're...forward," I observe, blinking rapidly as the shock wears off. "I'm not sure I disapprove."

[blackedout]

"Doesn't seem much point in playing a lot of games," Sirius answers with a slight shrug, gaze fixed on his lips. "If I've got to talk you into it, you're not what I'm looking for, mate."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"You don't have to talk me into it," I admit, maybe faster than I really intended to, but it's been so long that I've been left feeling open and raw, left to wonder if the wound that Joe's left with his razor words and his sudden vanishing is ever going to heal. He'd always bruised me with his presence, and now the ache won't cease. "Where?" I ask, breathlessly.

[blackedout]

"Anywhere but my place," Sirius answers, smiling at the breathy tone to the question. In one smooth motion he leans in, slides a warm hand to the back of the bloke's neck and presses his mouth to his ear. "Anywhere you want."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I breathe out shakily, not intentionally, but there are some things that my body has decided will happen without my consent. "I have a place," I say, swallowing the anxious lump in my throat. "I have a place and it has a bed. We will be needing a bed. Yes?"

[blackedout]

"You tell me," Sirius intones, and slowly draws himself away. He gives the dregs in his glass a final, considering glance, and then begins to saunter toward the front door.

"You are coming, aren't you?" he calls without looking back.

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I skitter slightly and must look a comical sight as I press on to follow the gorgeous man, already allowing my brain to do tumbles and twists in order to paint the course of events for tonight on a grander canvas. "I'm right here," I swear and have to endeavor to make that true, but I am going to come. I plan on it, after all.