[For Blair]

[thewordofweb]

After everything, I can't believe that the one thing I reserve the most cowardice for is something I won't even face the consequences of until later on tonight or tomorrow. Whenever Joe starts picking up and finds it. I'm so fucking terrified that I've found myself on Blair's doorstep with my hand on her door, knocking as lightly as I can in the event I disturb Serena.

"Blair, prinzessin, it's me. I need to see you," I beg in a guttural and low tone, desperate as it gets.

Comments

[filmstarbeauty]

"What? Like you suddenly getting married and having three kids with some girl you haven't met yet?" Blair sat down across from him on the bed, having a strange momentary feeling of deja vu. "Because what are the chances of that?"

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"You never know," I say and it's actually a joke and I smirk right across the bed before shifting to lie down, resting my head against her knee. "Joe could always end up a woman. I could knock him up a couple of times and then sail out to sea and die."

[filmstarbeauty]

"I don't think that's how this place works. The island would have him lose his temporary baby before that happens. It likes tragedy in mass." If there was one thing that Blair knew, she knew that this place was all about cruelty and possibly inhumanity. Its sense of humour was completely lost on her. "Deep breaths. Think about it."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I breathe in heavily and press my forehead hard against her knee and try to exhale normally, but it still comes out shaky. "I don't want to think," I mumble, words sticking together. "I spend all my time thinking. I am constantly thinking. I just want to stop thinking."

[filmstarbeauty]

"I know how that feels." Boy does Blair ever. Sighing, she bit her lip, at a loss for how to fix this. She was supposed to be good at fixing those she loved when they were broken, but what happened when she couldn't? "Thinking sucks."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," I agree hoarsely, peering up at her with blurry eyes, shifting until I can move up and wrap my arms around her waist, just lying there. "Skinny and Grant say I'm always thinking. Always thinking about everything too goddamn much. I don't know how to turn it off," I admit.

[filmstarbeauty]

"If you think too much what does that say about me?"

It didn't say anything good, that was for certain. If anything it said a lot of doom and gloom and chill out. But she'd spent three days chilling out and that hadn't worked out well either. She needed something else.

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"That we're very peas in a pod," I say and give her a tired look. "Let me just rest here before I go face things," I plead. "Let's just...not think. Okay?"

[filmstarbeauty]

"Two miserable little bitter peas in a pod. Lucky us." Blair was certain that was why she kept being spit out. No one wanted to keep her around. Flopping backwards on her bed, she nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

I shift and ease closer until I'm curled up with her in only the most platonic of ways, finding that comfort can come easy when it's like this. We can just be. I shift and offer her a tired smile. "Thank you, Blair," I murmur. "I love you to bits, you know that, right?"

[filmstarbeauty]

"I do, mostly because I love you too." Even though she sometimes wondered if he'd would love her less and want to coddle her if he knew all of the dark and painful things about her.

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Alright, I need to sleep," I mumble and flash her a smirk on my face. "If you want to use this as a story against potential boyfriend suitors, I'd choose now as a good time to invite them over accidentally while forgetting I'm here."

[filmstarbeauty]

"As if." Blair grumbled, elbowing him lightly. "And if you snore, I shoving you off the bed, for the record and then going to go sleep in Serena's room."

[thewordofweb.livejournal.com]

"Deal," I guarantee, though I know that I hardly ever snore, no matter what Liebgott says. If I can just focus on getting through today, if I can just do that, things will be fine.

Or that's what I keep telling myself.